The Dawn of Hope

Have you ever been in a hopeless place? A place where you felt as if everything that could go wrong had? Perhaps you felt that nothing could change your circumstances and that you were lost. If you’ve been there, you are not alone. Even David, who is called a man after God’s own heart had been in that place.

David begins Psalm 42:11 with a lament “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me?” These are clearly the words of someone crying out from that hopeless place that you and I have visited. David doesn’t stop there, though. He continues with “Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (NIV). David knew that God didn’t plan to leave him in that place. He had hope. That same hope is available to us. In the story to follow, I share how I found myself in a hopeless place. In that place, I learned that God didn’t want me to stay there. He provided a way out for me, and he will do the same for you.

I was in a lonely place where nothing seemed to be working out. I had recently made the decision to become a Christ follower, and it didn’t sit well with many of the people that I chose to associate with. I was already dealing with the loss of my popularity, on which I had placed a good deal of value, and I was facing the end of a job that I thought would lead me to great heights. I was already struggling with the loss of my “friends” when I received word that the job I loved was about to end. I had a panic attack and ended up in the hospital. I thought I was having a heart attack! That hospital trip was a blessing in disguise.

Although I didn’t have heart disease, I was heading in that direction and The Lord stepped in. The day before my job was to end, I was placed on short term disability, and I started cardiac rehab. Although my job was discontinued, I was given a 3-month reprieve during which I was able to collect my salary, find a job, and most importantly, get to know Jesus.

My health issues weren’t just physical. I was struggling with depression complicated by stubbornness which got in the way of me asking for help. I didn’t want to admit I was struggling but there came a day when I couldn’t hide it anymore and a friend intervened and introduced me to a therapist. I attended that first session with the intention of telling her that I was OK. I didn’t need any help.

The problem I faced was that she saw right through my facade. “I hear what you’re saying but your eyes are telling me a different story.” I didn’t have the will to fight it so I let myself go and burst into tears. It all came flooding back to me- years of physical and verbal abuse at the hands of my father, my rebellion, my rise to popularity as I sought to fill that God shaped hole in my heart, and my loss of it all. The loss of the illusion of good health was the final straw and that therapist knew it. Her words broke through my barrier and tore it down. I was broken which is exactly where God does his greatest work.

I am reminded of the words that God spoke to Paul: ”My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT). When I left that session that day, I was given three tools to help me on my journey back to the fold. The first was a copy of “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young which I still read through after all these years. The second tool was a song by MercyMe called Greater. That reminder of how God sees me as holy, righteous, and redeemed was just what I needed. The third tool she gave me was a book called “what to say when you talk to yourself” by Shad Helmstetter. Although not a Christian title, this book introduced me to the concept of self-talk and it was useful in helping me reframe some of my thinking.

I had told myself so things that just weren’t working for me. That book taught me to replace “I am not worthy of love” with phrases like “I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Designed and hand crafted by God to do his will and tell my story so that others might find light.

I went home from that therapy session and wrote up a dozen self-talk flash cards. I also began a new routine of having morning devotions. I am amazed at how quickly I went from feeling lost to starting to believe that I was made for more than the world told me I was. Thus, began what I now call the Dawn of Hope.